so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
