I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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