you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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