Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
