WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
