Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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