Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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