lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
