I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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