Don't make out with my wife yet
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize