I got chris browned last night
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
