I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
