Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
