she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
