My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
