Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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