i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
