went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
