Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize