His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
