She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
