If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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