really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
