for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he fucked my hip out of place.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
