half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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