I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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