I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
