I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
