Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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