Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize