that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
