the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
COCAINE IS GR8
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
