You're so nebulous sometimes
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
