I wish I could teleport
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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