Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
