Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
