sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
