Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
