Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
