her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My liver just had a heart attack.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
