See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
