so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
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