yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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