I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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