im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
