somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
