I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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