You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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