Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
