Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
