how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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