I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
