do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
