you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
