he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Found the puke drawer
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
