the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
True strength comes from lack of pants
and you fell through a lawn chair
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
