Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My balls are so social today.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
