If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
