Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
