you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
how does that bad decision feel?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
