Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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