My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
