There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
