Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
