You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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