I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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