I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
