I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
