I looked at my own cervix.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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