dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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