Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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