i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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