i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
