Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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