and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
