rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
