I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We have started to decorate penises.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
