is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
