I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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