i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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