I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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