I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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