Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
