and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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