You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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