Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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