walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Randomize
