Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
