Nicole vs. Life
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
