He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
