She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
