I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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