Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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