he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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