no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
