doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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