I wish I only lived at night.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
