i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
sarcasm needs its own font
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
did i walk over a car last night?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
