I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
