I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
