And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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