I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
