Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
