did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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