you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
