Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
