And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
