I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
