the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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