god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
