I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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